moving on

Moving out and moving on...it was the theme of this past weekend. It was a great weekend and now that I look back, fairly appropriate as a capstone for this relationship that couldn't stand the times.

I moved her stuff out this weekend. She came over Saturday am to begin the wonderful process of separating all the belongings that had been acquired over the years. It was actually a fairly smooth, easy process...methodically going from room to room, agreeing on who was due what. Both parties were considerate and respectful. Other than separating photo albums, the process was filled w/ no emotion. Sunday pm, some of her family and she came over to move out the remaining larger pieces. It was a rather eye-opening experience and the reason why I found the weekend appropriate as a reflection of our failed relationship.

My family has been incredibly supportive and respectful through everything. They've known when to assist and when to give space. They've given excellent direction and have always been a positive influence on my life. Needless to say, they were present Sunday when the ex-in-laws arrived. We were met by a very somber and sobering family. The fairly pleasant girl w/ whom I had spoke w/ the day before had transformed into a cold, removed person. Maybe it was a defense mechanism, or maybe it was the result of the presence of her family. Regardless, I found this immediate transformation reminiscent of the change I had experienced during the last few months of our marriage. Someone who was once interested and engaged had closed up and separated themself. Funny, you would typically associate that behavior w/ the guy in the relationship, but I digress. The only difference I noticed in this example was that she was the one who was sad and shedding tears. Although friendly and jovial, I was now the one standing emotionless. Strangely, no remorse, regret, or even general sadness was felt. I only felt a sense of relief...a realization of freedom mixed only w/ a dash of anxiety about what's to come.

As the differences in families became more apparent, I couldn't help but to be proud of being a Mohr. This family can withstand anything and can remain close while going through it. Furthermore, we can remain positive and upbeat about it, an accomplishment that not many can claim. It still amazes me how easy is it to take something positive from every experience. I've learned what I'd do differently should I marry again, and I've definitely learned more specifically what I'd look for in a mate. Furthermore, this experience continues to attest to how amazing this family is. I truly love my family. Although I doubt the sentiment will be shared, I also wish the Pufahl's all the very best. The question now becomes, "Where to go from here?" As I look to answer that question, as only I can, I am filled with excitement, hope, and faith. I know in my heart that this was the right decision and that this path I'm leading will bring me everything I could ever ask for.

irony

A story of irony to follow up on the divorce post...

I’m at Panera the other day for lunch w/ a few of my co-workers. I walked up to the lady at the register to place my order. She’s a little older than me and seemingly friendly. I smiled at her, asked how she’s doing, and am my normal jovial self. She looked at me and said, "You are very happy today!" I just looked at her and smiled even bigger. "Of course I am, it’s a good day," I think was my reply. Her response really caught me off guard, "Are you getting married?" I chuckled a little bit in my trademark baritone laugh and shook my head slowly, "On the contrary, actually, I just got divorced". She just looked back at me with a blank stare for a few seconds while she comprehended what she just heard. She eventually stammered out, "You mean you’re this happy and you just got divorced?" I looked at her and just smiled again, "Well, yeah. It’s a good thing". I watched her face as a look of awe and amazement washed over her. She smiled at me and caught me off guard again, "Congratulations".

Congratulations on getting divorced? Not something you hear every day, but it does seem appropriate now that I think about it. Why does one offer congratulations to another? I would say to express a sincere recognition for someone’s pleasure or joy and accomplishment. It’s usually correlated with a victory, the purchase of your first car or home, a promotion, or even a marriage. But divorce? It may seem somewhat unorthodox, but if it’s going to help someone improve their life and make them happy, why not? Congratulations on getting divorced. How about that for an epiphany?

So to finish the story, we spoke a few more seconds about her marriage and she offered to buy me dessert to validate her congratulatory wishes. As I enjoyed my chocolate chip cookie, I was left thankful for this stranger’s unbiased, simplistic thought process.

divorce

What a horrible word...divorce. It’s filled w/ negative connotations, but why? Why does everyone think that someone going through a divorce is horribly miserable? Is it the eternal battle of good versus bad? Marriage vs. Divorce?

As I’m going through this experience, I’m taken back to a moment in my life that I’ll always remember. I was driving down the street as a single teenager and saw an older man, still in his 30’s, with shoe polish on his back window telling the world, "Just Divorced". I drove up next to his driver’s side window and stole a glance. He looked miserable and completely pissed at the world. I wondered what was going on in his life and what possessed him to exclaim to the world that he was recently single and so pissed about it. But the question still haunts me today, "why was he so unhappy?"

Believe me, I know it sucks to lose someone. The grieving process can be a bitch some days, but why would you let someone that is no longer in your life, and a process that can be tough control you and your happiness? Life is too short to lose a single day w/ regret and unhappiness. I’ve learned that I wasted WAY too much of my life being unhappy. Never again will I let anything or anybody control me and my happiness. I wake up every day and choose to be happy. Even through this bitch of a situation, I CHOOSE to be happy. It’s as simple as that. I can only control how I react to every situation that I come across. And from this day forward, from these past few weeks forward, from these past few months when I was married but single, I choose to be happy.

I don’t know what possessed me to share this. Maybe it’s because this day has been one of the more difficult. Maybe this is just my way of convincing myself to stick with my newfound enlightenment. I don’t know if anyone would even read this. Who would? My ex, who is checking up on me? Fine. I hope she can find this same peace. My friends? Great. They can understand me a little better w/out needing to go through the awkward question dripping w/ ulterior references of, "how are you doing?" A complete stranger? Even better. If anyone can learn from my experience then I will feel even more fulfilled that I have left my mark on someone and have helped them to some sort of revelation. I don’t wish this on anyone, but I do hope everyone can learn from my experience...