the pursuit of fulfillment

For those that don't already know, I am an enrollment counselor for a national university. Every day I get an opportunity to help people. I get an opportunity to help those that want to do something for themself accomplish just that. Every day I see people literally change their lives by getting back into school and continuing their education. It's something I truly believe in, but I find myself struggling lately.

One of the biggest things I look for from anything I do in life is a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. This is one of the reasons I'm so passionate about sports and anything competitive that I can excel at. One of the most influential reasons I decided to pursue a career with the university is because helping others in this manner can be an incredibly rewarding and fulfilling opportunity. I believe this to be true, but there's another aspect of this position that is starting to wear on me.

I'm the type of individual that doesn't need a lot of help or assistance accomplishing what I want out of life. I'm fairly proactive and will happily pursue opportunities to make myself a better person. Particularly, if I become aware of a specific way to improve myself, I devote my entire being into accomplishing it...to a point it may even be a fallacy of mine. I'm learning that not too many others share my sentiment in this regard. Every once in a while I will come across a potential student that recognizes the need to get back into school and has the motivation to do so. My role in this circumstance is merely to facilitate an enrollment process, which is easy and mildly rewarding. The tougher challenge comes from those that want to go back to school, but don't believe they can. Consequently, this is where the true reward comes from, when you succeed at helping someone believe they can do this for themself. The conversations that follow such an accomplishment are an inspiration and a motivating factor to reach out to others. However, the reward gained from these situations is becoming increasingly overshadowed by another type of circumstance. The true test for me with this position comes from the students that don't follow through once this process has been initiated. The reasons and justifications are vast and full of variety, but all share a similar characteristic: they are all excuses.

One of the things that I struggle to understand is why someone will choose not to go through with something that they know will improve their life. Some students will get all the way through the enrollment process, but then decide not to follow through. I get that some get scared or some just simply change their mind. A huge part of helping someone overcome these hurdles is to uncover the particular individual's motivation for going back to school. From there, it takes a simple comparison between what life would be like in the same situation and how life would be different should this individual make a change. To me, the decision is simple. I choose self improvement. I choose a better future. I choose an opportunity to do something truly meaningful with my life. For the life of me, I don't understand why some don't follow that thought process. I simply can't help someone who won't help themself. It's difficult for me to let these people go. It's difficult for me to accept that I have the ability to change lives, but some will simply get in their own way. I don't expect everyone to think the way I do, but I don't understand why these people show up at my office, ask for help, but then not let me fulfill that request.

I need a sense of pride about my work accomplishments to feel truly satisfied. I'm beginning to question if this position can offer this opportunity to me and I'm unsure how to proceed. I've reached a crossroads in my life that I'm challenging all of the aspects of my life. I refuse to settle for mediocrity and will continue to push the limits in all facets of my life. I've lost some of the drive I need to be professionally successful in the manner I want to be and I need to either dig a little deeper to find it, or decide to make a life change myself.